I hear this question a lot from experts who want to build a personal brand online:
“Do I really have to be personal online? Do I have to share vulnerable stories I’m not comfortable putting out there?”
My short answer is: No you don’t have to at all. And you shouldn’t but…
Before I complete that sentence let’s take a step back and understand what’s going wrong in the personal branding space.
Somewhere along the way, “personal branding” turned into emotional striptease.
You know what I’m talking about. The ranting, a little too much reveal of every breakup, burnout, betrayal, and breakdown but then in the end neatly packaged with an offer and some hashtags.
I don’t recommend you do that.
No need to write weepy Twitter threads about your rock bottom moment to earn your credibility card.
You don’t need to parade your pain on Linkedin just to prove you’re authentic.
And you definitely don’t need to bare the bones of your personal life if your gut says, “not yet.”
In fact, if there are topics or life experiences that still feel emotionally raw or tender, don’t share them yet.
Wait until you’ve reached a place of higher perspective like a fly on the wall and acceptance of your situation where it no longer matters how others respond, because you’re so rooted in your own truth what others think (good or bad) doesn’t flinch you.
The emotions might still run deep or be bitter-sweet about it. You don’t need to wait to be neutral or cold to tell that story, you need to wait till you’ve gained a higher perspective around that situation and have accepted it as a part of your hero’s journey.
But then comes the next question:
If I don’t want to be vulnerable, how do I still build a personal brand?
This is where my expert advice comes in.
You don’t need to be raw to be real but you do need to be authentic.
People often get confused between being raw and authentic.
Being raw many times is being unhealed which leaks your emotional energy into your story and does not showcase you as a rooted leader.
But being authentic is where you remove yourself from being the central character in your story and place your audience (one ideal client profile) in it.
Then the story is yours, the emotions are yours and even the perspective is yours but the central character is your audience.
That’s a defining moment for building your brand as a thought leader and a personal brand without spilling the beans yet creating an emotionally rooted thought leadership brand.
You lend your “thoughts” from a lived experience (a real situation you have navigated or are going through) for someone out there who could get inspiration and solution from it.
This is authenticity and vulnerability at its core which is vastly different from raw spilling.
This is where your personality is weaved in through stories while also teaching your audience something valuable as an expert and as a leader.
Storytime
Imagine you walk into a bar, and there’s a singer on stage.
He’s singing about a breakup that is still raw and tender in his heart. You can feel the tremble in his voice, the grief still wallowing in his throat. And while it’s honest, (almost painfully so) you find yourself watching him more than feeling the song. You ache for his heartbreak and feel sympathy for his story. But you don’t quite see yourself in it.
Now on the other hand…
Imagine another singer, he too, sings about heartbreak but something’s different this time.
His own pain isn’t the center stage anymore. His voice is grounded and steady but still reverberating deep emotions of heartbreak and longing. It’s like holding water of emotions safely in a container versus spilling around. The container is his own groundedness (higher perspective as a fly on the wall) that he has created around his breakup which has now become a vessel for his audience to feel their own emotions through his break-up story.
He doesn’t bleed into the song but invites you in his story through his emotions.
And as he keeps on singing, you don’t just hear his story, you start hearing your own.
You think of someone you once loved. Someone you lost. Probably an unrequited love that taught you something.
This singer doesn’t sing for himself. He uses his lived experience and emotions to sign for you and give you a lived experience through his art.
This is the kind of personal brand and thought leadership I help you create where you are more like that second singer who uses your deep feelings and vulnerability to create a chord between you and your audience.
Where your story stops being just yours and becomes a part of your audience’s lived experience too.
The kind of brand where you still teach and advise as an expert but by drawing in your audience’s mind, heart and soul.
In my opinion, it is the best way to teach and lead.
